Thirty Days in South Korea

Tomorrow marks 30 days in Korea. Thirty days of exploring, getting lost, getting confused and eating crazy things, though I have been here thirty days and I have not even been to Seoul yet! This realization hit me yesterday as I got ready to go to school. I could not believe that I haven’t been to the number one attraction in this tiny country. A city of almost 15 million jam-packed with people from all over the world, buildings that are state of the art standing next to monuments old as a thousand years. Companies working on everything from cars to cell-phones and producing products at record speed.  This is one city I must see, even though I risk getting terribly lost in translation and perhaps even ending up in some un-reputable area that I would rather not be (word on the street is Seoul has a ‘Red Light’ district that rivals Amsterdam. Ok so word amongst the Americans. So far the word on the street is something like 이봐, 조심해!).

Thirty days and I have yet to learn more than a few phrases in Korean, which is not good because English is used very little in spite of the vast amount of money being poured into English education by the Korean government. Most of the people that can speak it refuse to use it for some reason, I have been given several reasons for this, either they are shy, they dislike it or my own theory – they get a kick out of watching you panic while you try to order a pizza without oysters on it. Whatever the case it does not serve me well in communication and if you know me you are aware that communication is my biggest asset.

I am a communicator and according to Strength Finder I am a WOOer (stands for ‘Winning Others Over’). These characteristics are key to how I function and I have been completely disarmed. Gone are the days of using my infamous charm to get discounts or free stuff. Overwhelming is the amount of information being shared, advertised, and reported here yet I understand none of it. It is mostly my own fault, I don’t know why but I have just not put the effort in to learn more than ‘hello’, ‘thank you’, and ‘goodbye’ except in the case of food words. I can successfully order about 25 different things in Korean. Being able to order food is an essential, and let me tell you I have gotten enough chickens feet and fungus to motivate me into learning how to say “hold the fish head”.

I have been here thirty days and I was begining to feel at home however, yesterday I was made aware of the fact that I am still very much a foreigner. I was feeling pretty good for my first couple of weeks in Cheonan. I know the buses for the most part, where many places are and I found several dishes I like. One of my favorites is tonkaseu, which means breaded pork. Because of my love for this dish I learned how to say it right away and have ordered it many times. My program director asked me what dishes I have tried in Korea. Excited to show off my skill I said a couple of Korean foods prefacing the last one as one of my favorites “I love tonkaseu, it is so good in fact I would eat tonkaseu every night if I could. I could go for some tonkaseu right now.” As I was saying this, I watched her eyes getting bigger and bigger, finally she doubled over laughing saying to herself “ttong gaseu! ttong gaseu!” Finally she explained that it is pronounced “donkaseu”, and “ttong gaseu” means feces fart. No wonder the lady at Kimbob Nara (local restaurant) laughs and says only for you when I order my pork!

Now since I am on the topic of feeling like a foreigner or in other words looking like an idiot, I might as well tell you about yesterday mornings adventure with water. The tap water in Korea is no good, can’t drink a drop. Because of this there are filtered water machines everywhere, I mean everywhere. If you know me and my disdain for tap water or ordinary fountains – especially those in Idaho – you know that this is like my paradise. Fresh Ice cold water down the hall, in school, in every business and anyone at anytime can fill up; in most cases you need your own vessel to fill.

Water Machine in South Korea

Now I am no rocket scientist, but I believe myself to be a fairly competent individual when it comes to life. I feel confident in my powers to use deductive reasoning to assess a situation. So I am walking down the hall at school looking for my water bottle so I can fill up at one of the dozens of watering holes, but I cannot find the dang thing anywhere. So I go in search of cups or some other means of slaking my increasing thirst. Walking downstairs to the first level, an area I am not too familiar with, I see a water machine with paper cups on top just outside the principles office. Now this particular machine had a different look to it, it seemed streamlined, black with a blue light on the front, most of these machines are white with a little lever. I’m thinking “well of course, this is the principle. He’s the big man, the boss; he would have the best water.” Getting excited about the cups and the upcoming event of drinking the best water, I walk up to the machine. I grab a cup, feeling a little disappointed that it is not bigger because surely I am going to desire more of my new-found “principle water”, I put the in the hole and push the button. A tiny amount shoots out into the cup, confused I press and hold; a bit more comes out, I repeat. Maybe this is like a pump or something, designed to keep people from running down the reservoir. After a I get a full cup (it feels icy cold in my hands) I look over to see my head teacher approaching; I down the water. Three things happened simultaneously: first, upon entering my mouth I am instantly aware that this is not water however I am not quick enough to completely reverse the swallowing process; Second, my head teacher runs over and screams “geumanhae!” or “stop!”; Finally, while my brain is saying “this is not water” and my teacher is saying “stop!” my body is saying “turn your head and spit this crap out at her!”. All of this happening at once, I freak out she screams, I spit, she screams again – dodgeing it thankfully – and then I begin some sort of choking and tap dancing routine. The principle then arrives on the scene and begins to laugh saying “Sanitizer! Sanitizer!”

Thirty days and I have yet to go to Seoul, but all things considered it is probably safer for me (and others) if I stay put for a while.