Bidet

Well I apologize for the twenty day gap in posting. I have been busy dealing with some personal items and have not had the time or motivation. But I do now! So I have a couple of stories to share as well as a an update of how life in Korea is going.

So in Korea, as is true with everywhere in the world, there are many differences in cultural and general modus operandi. Some things you experience right away, like everything being in a language with unrecognizable characters or being shoved into a train at the airport by something that I am quite sure was not the invisible hand of God. I recall my first time in Nairobi, getting out of the airport with Katherine Zook and having a man take our baggage cart away, I thought we where being robbed but he just wanted us to take his taxi, and of course tip him for taking our bags even though we where not using his services.

Most of these differences however, are noticed as time goes on. They are often small, or at least seem small but there impact is rather large. One thing I have begun to noticed is that a traffic stop will only let one direction of traffic go at a time and it rotates in a square, like an extended four way stop. This is good to know because I have almost been road kill three times because I was miss-judging whose turn it was. Another "little" difference is how Koreans view age. In Korea when you are born you are 1 and then you gain a year when the new year arrives. Take me for example, I was born on December 3, 1987 so by January 1, 1988 i was already 2 years old. Which means right now I am 22 in the USA, 24 in Korea. When I turn 23 I will remain 24 until New Years. Confused yet? Why is this a big deal? Well first, it makes a big difference to people here, when I say I am 22 they think I am 20 and still in school. Age is very respected and even 2 years can make a difference.

I could go through dozens of other differences but right now I want to talk about, what for me has been the most important so far: Bathrooms. So here is the thing, there are many 'little' differences in this area, and some of them have been somewhat unsettling. This topic may seem in poor taste but I believe these stories are the best way to show you the full extent of my plight. Just be thankful I am not sharing bathroom stories from Africa.

E-Mart...Duh

I was shopping at E-Mart (a major walmart-ish store that is 2 stories and full of everything Korean) and nature began to take its course. So I went to the restroom and was amazed at the luxury! The bathroom was immaculate, with beautiful tiled walls and stall doors of rich mahogany  that went all the way to the floor (I call them Larry Craig stalls). I was in heaven! So I took care of business, almost. For all the luxury and convenience afforded in this masterful commode, they for some reason had absolutely no toilet paper. At least not within the four walls of my stall, which now seemed much closer than before and far less luxurious. Not only was the TP absent, there wasn't even evidence that it was ever there at all. No holder, no stand, no naked tube. Then it dawned on me. It must be on the other side, out in the open with the general population. I cautiously unlatched the door to gain perspective and sure enough there it was. Staring back at me from the opposite wall, twelve feet away or in the terms of the moment, on the other side of the world. Just as I was about to make my move a cleaning woman came in (yes woman). Shocked and frightened over my embarrassing predicament I recoiled, slammed the door, and sat down. Too bad I missed my mark and fell, breaking a changing table I had reached for in a last ditch effort to stave off my inevitable collision. I immediately cursed the cold and unforgiving tile as well as the bathroom as a whole for luring me in with promises of comfort only to cause me pain. For the next twenty or so minutes I remained trapped while she cleaned.

This, unfortunately would not be my only 'incident' with Korean public restrooms nor my most traumatic. As I have written before, working at my schools have been both positive and negative experiences. You can decide what category this one falls into.

The one that got me...

One of the perks of my school is that the teachers are given there own restroom. Nothing too fancy - not like E-Mart - but clean and void of the messes children make. It is also one of the few quite places in the school. The only thing about this sanctuary that seemed out of place was the space-age seat attached to the toilet. This frightened me until I discovered that it was heated. This is a nice feature in these increasingly cold fall days. The toilet, as shown, had many different pictures and buttons that made little sense to me but i ignored them. Until a fateful day when curiosity got the better of me. The toilet has a normal flush in the back which I had been using, but a picture on the seat showed what I thought was water circulating around the bowl. I took this to mean it was a button to flush. So i pushed it. While I was still seated. I believe every person has a few moments in life when they start out in the best of moods making what they think is the best choice only to realize that they have chosen wrong and the outcome will forever change their life. This was one of those times for me. Upon pushing the button I was attacked, or at least that's what I thought at the time. I flew off of the seat, screaming loudly and smashed my face into the stall door. I was so mortified I just hung against the paneling, to scared to move. My body, in the awkward angle that it was in, slowly slid down the door until I collapsed in a heap on top of myself. What had happened was this: the button I pushed was for a bidet. A bidet (pronounced BADAY) is a device that shoots water up from below to aid the cleaning process. I have heard of and even seen these before in Europe but not like this. I was not expecting an icy and wet force to attack me from below. On top of this horrifying experience, my screams had brought the vice principle in, who attempted to save me by trying to bust down the door despite my plea's. Thank God for sturdy cedar.

Korea, despite being somewhat lonely and confusing, is very much the adventure. I hope you all are well  and learn something from (or at least find humour in) my experiences!